The Middle East can let out a collective sigh of relief: it seems that Britney Spears will not marry a Muslim and convert to Islam after all. (Like we needed more image problems!)

It was announced today that Britney has split with her paparazzo boyfriend Adnan Ghalib, a man who became a minor celebrity even here in the Middle East. "Spears dating an Arab! Will convert to Islam soon!" the Arabic-language tabloids screamed.

First off, Ghalib is reportedly Afghan-British, not Arab at all. And whatever his background, he sounds like quite the creep: entertainment Web sites are reporting that Ghalib is already selling his story to the highest bidder. His photo agency is hawking stills of Britney's mushy text messages to Ghalib.

The break-up ends long, borderline racist debates on the Internet over Ghalib's ethnicity and religion. The unwritten message in many online comments was, "Britney has sunk so low that she's settling for a Muslim."

On one site, a commenter joined the fray with an unusually frank question: "what do you really dislike about britneys new bf, the fact that hes middle eastern or the fact that he could be a muslim, or both?"

Farewell, Adnan. And fear not, tabloid readers, because there's still an Arab connection to keep the Middle Eastern celeb-watchers hooked on Britney. It seems that Osama Lutfi, Britney's shadowy "manager" and frequent escort to industry events, is back in the picture. After initial hysteria and headlines such as "Terror Alert: Britney parties with Osama," most American celeb magazines have diplomatically shortened his name to "Sam."

Not so in the Arab press. They are still proudly publishing, "Osama." So are a few of the most irreverent celebrity-focused blogs. One blogger, for example, ponders whether Osama Lutfi is "planning on waging jihad against our nation by pilfering Britney Spears' bank accounts and holding the pop singer hostage."

Photo from Hollywoodgossip.com

Many political analysts criticized President Bush's speech in Abu Dhabi this week for its omissions, mostly to do with leaving out context and facts about recent Middle Eastern elections, human rights issues, Iranian influence in the region and the prospects for an Arab-Israeli peace agreement.

Egyptian officials reportedly are joining the critics' circle with a beef of their own. The independent Cairo newspaper Al Masry al Youm published a story yesterday that quoted unnamed sources as saying Egyptian Foreign Minister Ahmed Aboul Gheit was hopping mad that Bush failed to mention Egypt in a portion of his speech that praised several Arab nations for holding elections and introducing other nascent democratic reforms.

According to the daily, along with other Cairo papers, the Egyptian government also interpreted Bush's mild jab about detaining opposition candidates as a thinly veiled reference to the jailed reform activist and former presidential contender Ayman Nour. (Perhaps the region's other authoritarian governments let out a collective sigh of relief: "Oh, he was talking about Egypt! Whew, thought that was us for a second!")

Al Masry al Youm's anonymous sources told the paper that Aboul Gheit, at a private meeting of top officials from Egypt's ruling party, said the United States is "lost," its foreign policy is "defunct," and that Bush's brief stop in Egypt tomorrow will be of "absolutely no use."

"If he was going to take any action, he would have done so before. But we'll meet him anyway. This is public relations," the newspaper quoted Aboul Gheit as saying, based on interviews with officials who reportedly were present at the meeting.

The Egyptian foreign ministry flatly denied the exchange ever took place and issued a statement yesterday that called the account false. When my colleague Miret in Cairo checked out the story, senior party officials said the main topics of the meeting were conditions placed on the annual $2 billion U.S. aid package for Egypt, the deterioration of security in Iraq, and sticking points in the Palestinian-Israeli peace process.

"These are complete lies," said Hossam Zaki, spokesman for the foreign ministry, referring to the remarks attributed to Aboul Gheit.

Mohamed Kamal, a close adviser to the younger Mubarak (President Hosni's son and possible successor, Gamal), said the subject of Bush's speech did come up, but not at all in the sensational manner recounted by Al Masry al Youm.

"There were criticisms, but not in this fashion and not in these words," Kamal said in a phone interview. He declined to get into the specifics of what the criticisms entailed.

What really happened? There are a number of scenarios:

A. Aboul Gheit did vent about the speech and then backtracked when the remarks became public, maybe out of fear that Bush's two-hour meeting with Mubarak, scheduled for tomorrow at the Red Sea resort of Sharm el Sheikh, would devolve into a full-fledged snub.

B. Aboul Gheit did vent about the speech, had aides leak the remarks to the press and, satisfied that the message had reached the right ears, promptly denied ever having said such a thing.

C. Aboul Gheit said nothing of the sort. After all, al Masry al Youm has published some rather dubious reports lately, including the assertion that Sharm el Sheikh was crawling with "an estimated 2,000 CIA agents" ahead of Bush's visit.

We'll continue to look into this as Bush wraps up his visit to Riyadh today and hopscotches over to Sharm tomorrow for the final leg of his eight-day Middle East tour.

"I'm not bloody standing up! Why should we have to stand up?"

The snarky British journalist sitting behind me had spoken so loudly that you could hear him over the tepid applause that greeted President Bush as he appeared on stage at the super-luxurious Emirates Palace hotel yesterday to give a speech in which he -- surprise, surprise -- lambasted Iran and waxed poetic about democratic change in the Arab world.

Apart from the peanut gallery of journalists, the audience was made up mostly of well-heeled men and women from the United Arab Emirates, Bush's latest stop on an eight-day tour of the Middle East. The cavernous auditorium was slightly more than half full, but I wouldn't like to hazard a guess about the crowd size.

Emirates Palace is so gigantic and extravagant that the venue easily could make a throng of hundreds look like a handful. A nice Englishwoman sitting next to me told me that she and her husband had come to check out the $3 billion hotel when it first opened a couple of years back and had calculated that a guest would have to walk more than a half-mile to reach the breakfast area each morning.

"But I suppose if you're posh enough to stay here, you'd have your breakfast delivered, now wouldn't you?" she said.

As Bush spoke, I watched the faces in the audience for any visible reaction, any palpable sign that the president's words had struck a chord with the Emiratis -- whether approval or disdain. You know how Oprah talks about epiphanies she calls "aha moments?" There weren't any. But, judging from the snickers of some nearby Arab journalists, there were plenty of haha moments, such as when Bush lavished praise on the Palestinians for voting, while failing to mention that they elected Hamas, a militant group the State Department considers a terrorist organization.

Symbolically, an Emirati woman with a PhD introduced Bush, as if to say, "Look at us! Our women can speak and drive and learn! We're not the Saudis!" The woman, elegant in her black traditional attire, spoke of strengthening U.S.-UAE political, security and cultural ties. She was proud to point out that the president had picked Abu Dhabi as the place to deliver his only big policy speech of the tour.

Well, let's see. Security concerns or diplomatic drama prevent Bush from speaking publicly in Cairo, Beirut, Damascus, Gaza, Tehran, Tripoli, Algiers or Khartoum. The Iraqis might throw a fit if he picked archenemy Kuwait as the venue, though they can't exactly welcome him at the National Theater in Baghdad, either. Nobody's really heard of the Comoro Islands, Djibouti or Mauritania. Bahrain, Jordan, Morocco and Oman are so B-list. Qatar is too hard to pronounce (WHY is every Western politician and journalist convinced it sounds like "gutter?").

So, yep, Abu Dhabi it was.

Bush concluded his speech with a hearty "God bless," smiled wanly and exited the stage. There was a moment of hesitation, with the audience wondering if someone else would take the podium. A friend in Cairo later asked me if anyone had "pulled a Chavez." No, the Emiratis are way too polite to cross themselves and say they can still feel the presence of "the devil," as the colorful Venezuelan president did when he spoke a day after Bush at the UN General Assembly meeting.

Audience members filed out into a glitzy reception area where white-uniformed South Asian workers brandished trays of canapes and flutes of orange juice. I struck up a conversation with 20-year-old Nada al Harbi, an Emirati student who volunteers at the Abu Dhabi research center that organized Bush's visit. I asked what she'd thought of the speech.

"This was the first time a U.S. president came here and talked about opening the boundaries between the UAE and the United States," she said. "I hope we do open boundaries because we don't know what they're really thinking about us and they don't know what we're really thinking about them."

Gingerly, and making sure to point out the UAE's tentative economic and social reforms, I broached the subject of Bush's calls for democracy in a place where power is inherited instead of elected. Nada grew uncomfortable and laughed nervously.

"Our leaders have done a good job," she said, choosing her words carefully. "I don't really want to talk politics, OK? What do you want me to say?"

A Turkish journalist who is based in Dubai for a foreign-policy journal had sat to my right in the auditorium. She was excited to see Bush in the flesh. (Her verdict: "You know, he is not tall. And he is more heavy than we see on the TV. I thought the TV is supposed to make you look heavier.")

After the event, she saw me standing outside Emirates Palace waiting for a taxi, so she offered me a ride to my hotel. We talked about the highly unusual rain that fell on the Emirates throughout Bush's visit. I told her the Egyptian taxi driver who shuttled me from Dubai to Abu Dhabi had cracked that the rain proves "that everyone is sad because Bush is coming!" (What I didn't tell her: the taxi driver also had said, "Bush? Damn him. Now Saddam, that was a president!")

I grew up in Abu Dhabi, I told my new Turkish friend, and I didn't recall many winter showers. But perhaps climate change and all that global warming stuff has made rainfall more frequent in the Emirates?

"Oh, no," she replied. "In fact, this is the first time I've ever seen rain here."

Last month, my colleague Miret el Naggar wrote this story about a group of Palestinians who had fled the war in Iraq only to find themselves stranded in the ungenerous desert along the Syrian-Iraqi border. They were essentially prisoners, prohibited from entering Syria and unable to return to the neighborhoods they once inhabited in Baghdad. Journalists are not allowed to visit the camps, but Miret interviewed several residents by phone and heard horror stories of hardships and disease.

The fate of the 500 or so Palestinians at the Tanaf camp had been largely overlooked as governments and humanitarian groups focus on the 2.5 million Iraqi refugees who have flocked to urban hubs in Syria, Jordan and Egypt. Across from Tanaf, on the Iraqi side of the border, there are another 1,900 Palestinians in the squalid Walid camp.

"We die a thousand times a day," Wafaa Mazhar, 37, a mother of five, told Miret by phone. "We Palestinians are leading miserable lives. We're helpless, and no one feels our pain."

So, which country stepped up to end this suffering? Sudan, of all places.

Al Ahram, a state-backed Egyptian newspaper, reported this week on a PLO announcement that Sudan has agreed to accept the Palestinians who fled sectarian violence in Iraq. The Ahram story said Khartoum will scoop up 2,500 refugees in all, emptying the miserable Tanaf and Walid camps. The government also agreed to accept some other Palestinians who had made it to Damascus.

Sudan is not exactly Sweden, and anyone following the Darfur conflict knows that the Sudanese government doesn't always act in such a model humanitarian fashion. Still, the dusty tableau of Khartoum should be a welcome sight for a community that spent so many agonizing months in a place even the UN referred to as "no-man's land."

When President Bush arrives next week for a landmark visit to some of his closest allies in the Arabian Peninsula, Egypt and Israel, there's no doubt his hosts will fete him with the finest in Middle Eastern hospitality. Think glittery palaces, feasts of succulent lamb and lavish state gifts.

But will those hosts also greet Bush with overtures toward ending the Arab-Israeli conflict, concessions on the Lebanese political crisis, continued assistance in Iraq, a renewed commitment to promised democratic reforms, or a willingness to keep Iran and Syria isolated? And what exactly is Bush offering in return? So far, the White House hasn't said. You can read more in this preview story by my DC-based colleague Warren Strobel, who covers foreign affairs and the State Department.

In a recent interview with the Saudi-owned al Arabiya satellite channel, which is broadcast throughout the region to millions of Arab viewers, Bush gave only vague answers about his agenda for the trip: his goal of creating a Palestinian state before the end of his second term, encouraging peace between Arabs and Israelis, the usual. From the excerpts I saw, there was no mention of keeping up the pressure on authoritarian governments to fight corruption and state-sanctioned torture, or to introduce democratic reforms. As you'll recall, the last time the White House really ratcheted up the pressure for change, Islamists made significant electoral gains throughout the region.

From what Bush told Arabiya, curbing Iran's "hostile ambitions" is a top priority for his trip. He acknowledged that recruiting governments to help him keep Iran persona non grata in the international community is no easy task since last month's National Intelligence Assessment, the collective findings of U.S. intelligence agencies, stated that Iran had abandoned its nuclear weapons program in 2003.

"The fact that I'm having to explain it means it's harder after the report," Bush told Al Arabiya. "But I believe I'll be able to convince them." He said he would emphasize the report's findings that Iran is still enriching uranium, a precursor to weapons making, according to wire reports.

What's clear is that not everyone is as excited about the visit as the emirs, presidents-for-life and other Middle Eastern potentates who count themselves among Friends of Bush. (Or, perhaps more accurately, non-enemies.) Intense security precautions are taking shape in the cities Bush plans to visit, already eliciting gripes from some residents about bomb-sniffing dogs, snipers and blocked streets in busy capitals.

The AP reports that Israel is deploying more than 10,500 security personnel -- more than a third of the country's entire police force -- to keep Bush safe. Israel's Operation Clear Skies will cost $25,000 for every hour Bush is in the country. The same wire story says Jerusalem is spending nearly $400,000 to remove garbage and paint over graffiti in an effort to spruce itself up for the president's arrival.

Unlike his French counterpart Nicolas Sarkozy, whose motorcade swept through Cairo streets last week during a state visit, Bush cannot risk a trip to the Egyptian capital. Implementing the necessary security measures in such a chaotic, sprawling metropolis would be next to impossible. Instead, Bush will make a pit stop in the Red Sea resort town of Sharm el Sheikh.

The independent Egyptian newspaper Al Masry al Youm reported yesterday that Sharm el Sheikh, where Bush is scheduled to meet with Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak for a mere two hours, is flooded with an estimated "2,000 CIA agents" and that five swanky hotels have been booked by security officials ahead of the presidential talks. Even if the preparations are exaggerated, it's pretty interesting that one of Cairo's most respected dailies is painting the visit as more invasion than courtesy call.

My colleague Miret phoned Saudi Arabia's foreign ministry today to ask about the kingdom's preparations for Bush. She asked only about obvious security measures such as police cordons, traffic bans and the like.

"Why are you asking?" the Saudi spokesman replied tersely.

Obviously, Al Qaida isn't rolling out the red carpet. A video surfaced overnight of the terror network's American-born spokesman, 29-year-old Adam Gadahn, ripping up his U.S. passport and urging Muslims to greet Bush with bombs. Gadahn, a native Californian who also goes by Azzam al Amriki, was charged with treason in the U.S. in 2006 and the FBI is offering a $1 million reward for information leading to his capture.

"Now we direct an urgent call to our militant brothers in Muslim Palestine and the Arab peninsula .. to be ready to receive the Crusader slayer Bush in his visit to Muslim Palestine and the Arab peninsula in the beginning of January and to receive him not with flowers or clapping but with bombs and booby-trapped vehicles," Gadahn said in Arabic, according to the AP's translation.

An Egyptian friend called the office just as I was finishing up this post. I told him I needed a catchy title for today's blog entry about Bush's visit. Think of something creative, I urged him. After all, this friend was reared in the United States, holds a Western passport and attended the American University in Cairo -- just the type of educated, affluent Arab the White House hopes will work to keep those pesky Islamists at bay, right?

"Welcome, dog," he suggested in Arabic, without a second's hesitation. "No, no. How about 'The master comes knocking?' Or 'Bush and bull?' Basically, pick anything to do with servitude."

There's quite a debate brewing on IslamOnline.net, the Cairo-based clearinghouse for Muslim issues and dialogue. Over the weekend, a poem called "How to Behead" appeared on the arts-and-culture page of the popular site. The piece was written by a young, self-described "lyrical terrorist" named Samina Malik, of Southall, west London.

It appears that the UK's recently amended counterterrorism laws target all sorts of terrorists -- including the lyrical kind -- and last month Malik, 23, received a 9-month suspended sentence, making her the first woman convicted under Britain's Terrorism Act of 2000. The Guardian has this account of her trial, in which she was found guilty of possessing "records likely to be useful in terrorism."

Among other dubious activities, Malik had scrawled militant messages on cash register receipts she handed to customers at the Heathrow Airport shop where she worked. And then there were her "poems," valentines to violence and martyrdom, as well as what the papers described as "a library" of militant literature at her family's home in Southall.

Malik narrowly escaped a jail term, having been acquitted of the more serious charge of "possessing an article for terrorist purposes." However, the conditions of her suspended sentence are so stringent, the Guardian points out, that she will be, in effect, under house arrest.

Whether to boost traffic to the site or to spark a genuine debate on the limits of free speech, IslamOnline reprinted Malik's beheading poem in its entirety and asked readers to answer this question: "Reading the poem above, what do you feel? Do you feel instigated to commit an act of terror, or do you feel disgusted?"

Um, the latter? Malik's graphic descriptions turned my stomach, and I think my editors might have a problem with me posting the full piece on our Web site. (You can see it here, if you must read the whole grisly thing.) Here is an excerpt:

Blindfold the punk
So that he won't hesitate as much
For on seeing the sharp pointy knife
He'll begin to shake

So far, there are 60 related comments, nearly all of them from Muslims condemning the piece as vile, silly, hateful and damaging to the image of Islam. Only a tiny minority of commenters supported Malik, whether as kindred ideological spirits or fervent supporters of free speech. One of the more nuanced postings came from a reader identified only as "am," who wrote about how such extremist rants can be soothing for Muslims who are angry about U.S. and British foreign policy toward the Islamic world.

"Look guys, this is bad writing, no doubt. Someone is just letting off some steam. Should it be published on a reputed site as this? Probably not. However, the intelligent masses who understand the oppression of muslims, may find some sympathy in the context it was written. It probably was not even meant to be published," the commenter wrote.

To some Muslims, the danger in how the Brits handled Malik's case stems from a fear that the authorities have given her exactly what she desired: martyrdom. Her chilling words have now reached an international audience via cyberspace, inviting criticism that the authorities prosecuted an apparently unstable young woman when the killers who translate her words to deeds are still at large in Iraq, Pakistan and elsewhere.

As the AP's Paul Schemm reports today, al Qaida just began offering video clips that Internet users can download to cell phones and swap via Bluetooth or infrared technology. The story doesn't say whether beheading videos are among those on offer, but rest assured they're not hard to find. And they're a thousand times more terrifying than Malik's sophomoric verse.

No government likes a critical human rights report, a reputation for state sponsorship of terrorism or accusations of political oppression. The Middle East's authoritarian nations (along with their Western allies) are no exception. Check out the spin doctors at work on some recent news events:

Saudi blogger detained

"Searching for freedom, dignity, justice, equality, shoura and all the rest of lost Islamic values."      The banner on the home page of Saudi blogger Fouad al-Farhan, who has been held without charge since early December, most likely in connection with his writings about Saudi political prisoners

"He is not being jailed. He is being questioned, and I don't believe he will remain in detention long." Maj. Gen. Mansour al Turki, spokesman for the Saudi interior ministry, quoted by The New York Times

Hundreds of Palestinian hajj returnees stranded at Egypt-Gaza border because Egypt closed the Hamas-controlled crossing

"During the governor's visit to the pilgrims, they thanked President Hosni Mubarak for his hospitality and for providing all services, and they all cheered for Mubarak and the Egyptian people for their generous hospitality." The state-backed Ahram newspaper, Cairo, Jan. 1

"Pilgrims set fire to mattresses and blankets in rooms set up for them, while in another camp in the city, protesters smashed windows. The pilgrims shouted angry slogans against Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak and his government. Hundreds of riot police surrounded the protesters as the fires were extinguished." Opposition newspaper El Badeel, Cairo, Jan. 1

Turkey continues its campaign against Kurdish militants in Iraq

"Those scumbag terrorists. The government is doing what it should have done a long time ago. It's good that now our big brother (the United States) has finally given us the green light to get them." A Turkish carpet merchant in a recent conversation in Istanbul, speaking about Turkey's military campaign against Kurdish separatists in northern Iraq

"We have not approved any decision, it is not for us to approve. However, we were informed before the event." A U.S. diplomat in Ankara, quoted in wire stories about the Dec. 17 Turkish operations, which resumed Wednesday with more strikes in northern Iraq

France, Syria quarrel over Lebanese presidential stalemate

"The time has come for the Syrians to prove in reality what they are continuously proclaiming in talks. France has taken responsibility for conditional dialogue with Syria, we are now expecting actions from them and not just talk." French President Nicolas Sarkozy, announcing he was suspending diplomatic relations with Syria over alleged meddling in Beirut's political crisis

"Syria has decided to stop Syrian-French cooperation to solve the Lebanese crisis. It seems that the French have wanted to hold us responsible for their failure (to convince the ruling Lebanese bloc to accept the French plan to end Lebanon's political crisis.)."                                                         Syrian Foreign Minister Waleed al Moallem, as quoted by The Associated Press      

U.S. diplomat, driver shot to death in Sudan

"The FBI is probing whether terrorists were behind the slaying of a U.S. diplomat in Sudan, officials told the Daily News on Wednesday. The agency, which has primary jurisdiction when Americans are murdered overseas, immediately sent two counterterror agents to Sudan from its Washington-based 'fly squad' who were already in Africa on another mission, sources said."                                      New York Daily News report, Thursday

"An isolated incident which has no political or ideological connotations."                                 Sudan's embattled government, already under scrutiny over Darfur, describing the attack that killed John Granville and his Sudanese driver. From a foreign ministry statement, as reported by wire services.