By Miret el Naggar

For more than quarter of a century, Egypt has had one ruler, 79-year-old Hosni Mubarak. He has ruled since 1981. Naturally, he became the the subject of many jokes, not just from people who oppose his policies, but from people who are simply fed up of being ruled by the same person for 26 years.

I compiled some of the jokes that i had recently heard from friends, or read on other blogs.

"Mubarak's aides one day came up to him, after he had fallen ill, and said: Sir don't you think it's about time you write a farewell speech to your people? Mubarak answered: Why? are the people leaving?"

The following joke shows how much Egyptians are a non-confrontational people and their sole purpose is to get through the day with no trouble. I read it on a blog called "From Cairo with Love," but i have also heard it from several friends.

"Mubarak was getting restless and annoyed that Egyptians are not complaining and seem to be so happy with everything. He gathered his ministers and told them that he's starting to get worried, and they should think of something to annoy the people, and then solve the problem they've created, and this way he can praise himself and prove that he's been solving the people's problems.

After long waiting, the ministers came up with a plan to install a checkpoint on 6th of October bridge (a bridge where traffic is always slow) stopping every passing car, and slapping the driver on the back of the neck (considered insulting and humiliating in Egypt) before letting them go. Mubarak delighted at the idea.

A few weeks pass by and Mubarak gets more restless, gathers his ministers: "are they starting to complain yet? are they unhappy yet?" The ministers say "No, they're happy and thanking you for all your graces, and praying for you every day". He decides to give the people a harder time, so a thoughtful minister suggests, "let's add more checkpoints on the bridge, and have them slap the driver as well as the passengers." They all agree, and Mubarak agreed to the new plan.

A few weeks go by and Egyptians still didn't complain.

Frustrated now, Mubarak decided to see for himself why no one had complained. He goatherd the Egyptians, and gave a speech on how his only concern is the good of the people and the future of our next generations. Then he opened the floor for questions, and requested that people ask freely, and raise any issue or problems that they might be having in their daily lives. After a while of silence, a guy shyly raised his hand for a question. "Yes, yes, that guy at the back, what's your question". "Mr. honorable president. We thank you for all your great efforts and for your hard work in making Egypt one of the best countries in the world. This is the best time in Egypt's history, and its all because of you. I just have one little request regarding those checkpoints on the bridge". Hosni felt relieved that finally someone is going to complain about it, so he can then solve the problem.

The man: "We think the checkpoints are a great idea, and feel very safe for having them, and the guys who slap us are very nice people, but I was wondering if we can increase the number of people who slap us in order to speed the process a bit?"   

Another joke i heard from a friend, is about how Mubarak's family is entrenched in the country's politics and businesses.

"Mubarak was on his deathbed, so his aides asked him whether he had any wishes. Mubarak said: I want my son Gamal to succeed me as president. His aides said, but Mr. president, the people won't accept it, what should we about that? Mubarak answered: Let them eat dirt ! (my friend used a more obscene word, but i decided to go with dirt.) Mubarak's aides said: What about the parliament? Mubarak: let them eat dirt! The aides: What about the opposition? Mubarak: Especially those, let them eat dirt!

The aides said, sure boss. Anything else you wish for? Mubarak answered: Yes, i want my elder son Alaa to own the dirt franchise!